Tag Archives: Working Women

Job Titles NOT to give yourself

by Deborah

It’s 2012.  Digital sophistication is at its highest and yet, people are giving themslves dumb titles on their Linked In resumes.

from “Resume Writers of Dallas”

I’m  17+ hours into my outbound recruiting effort (code for “I’m a start-up in a competitive job environment where the words Oogle, ‘Nterest and Prime Shipping are not part of my company name and thus, I’m left to target, stalk and cajole top-tier talent to come work with me on my grand vision with unsolicited yet clever and genuine emails”) and I’m tired.

Not of the search, mind you.  

I like reading through people’s’ resumes, searching for the diamond-in-the-rough, the outside-the-box-thinker-screaming-to-be-let-out-of-the-box, the undervalued high-performer.  It’s total arm-chair psychology from the safe distance of an internet connection.

I’m tired of bad decisions made by others.

In today’s day-and-age, with the mind-boggling array of career advice blogs, how is it possible that anyone would post a less-than-professional job title on their Linked In profile?  Sure, you’ll get attention — but so does the kid who farts in the back of classroom.  Maybe I’m a stick-in-the-mud Founder & CEO-type but cute & corny or wacky & irreverent doesn’t make me want to work with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about.  Here is a collection of some of the entries I found in resumes on Linked In.  (I couldn’t make them up.  The titles are real.  The snarky “aka” commentary… that’s mine): 

Rainmaker (aka “Maker of a long stint in unemployment”)

Change Agent (aka “Ex-Bank Teller”)

Serial Entrepreneur (aka “I’m-still-looking-for-the-idea-that-works Entrepreneur”)

Addict at Pinterest (aka “Recipe clipper, fashion wannabe, who-am-I-kidding-I’m-never-gonna-remodel-the-bathroom & I -should-be-learning-a-new-language Waster at Time”)

Thinker (aka “I was going to write ‘Breather’ but that seemed too obvious”)

Deep Thinker (aka “I ain’t just a Thinker”)

Social Media Guru (aka “Really?  Guru?  It’s 2012 & I just read a tweet that said your yoga mat was on fire”)

All Around Technologist (aka “All Around Bullshit Artist”)

Gun For Hire (aka “Watcher of too many Hollywood movies”)

Brain Child & Captain (aka “Founder of My Mom Still Makes My Lunch & Folds My Laundry”)

Self Starter & Finisher (aka “Masturbation Expert”)

Online Adventurer (aka “Gold Member of the Self Starter & Finishers chat room)

If you recognize one of these titles from your resume, I’m sorry to be so harsh.  But I’m here to tell you what your spineless friends won’t — delete the corn.  Go staid.  Go boring.  Go professional.

Marketing Help, Please!

by Deborah

This is that post where I ask you to do the work.  Sneaky, eh?

My Executive Marketing Board Room

Today, I’m playing “Marketing Executive.”  Such is the versatile and glamorous  (i.e. “cheap” & “I’m eating a bag of tortilla chips for lunch”)  life of a Start-up entrepreneur.  And since I’ve never taken a marketing class, I need help.

What am I talking about?

Let me get you up to speed.  I’m 5 weeks from launching our functioning “oh, this is interesting” BETA version of Totefish.  That means everyone (including yourself) will be able to use the basic Totefish website for their shopping & coupon needs.  What is the Totally Efficient Shopping experience, you ask?  You’ll be able to set-up your own custom Mall, organize & shop all your favorite stores and immediately access all their coupons, sales and shipping deals.

So what do you got to do?

I’m working on the pitch line for the Landing Page.  You know, the page that comes up when you land on the site for the first time and catches your attention and makes you want to click that JOIN NOW button?  Being that I can’t afford to hire a real Advertising/Marketing Agency, I’m taking the decision to the people.   How’s that for a democratic Monday?

Let me know if you really like (or really hate) any of these.  And don’t go easy.  I’ve got thick skin.

And while it should go without saying… THANK YOU!

Note: the “Join TOTEFISH now!” will be designed as a clickable button

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Candy now makes me dumb?!

by Deborah

Don’t do it.  I mean it.  Oh no.  I can’t help myself.  Just one, I promise.  Oh, damn it.

The newest “As if I don’t have enough on my plate already” scientific study is out today.  Let me save you the 7 minutes to read it.

Eating anything made with processed sugar (in the form of corn syrup) messes up your brain function.

Yup.  They have the rats to prove it.  You eat sugar?  You an idiot.  Say yes to that slice o’ birthday cake?  Might as well let them take a swing at your head with the pinata stick.  Coca Cola?  One-way ticket to failing out of Community College.  Banana Split?  You be one dumb monkey.

So, let’s add it to our list, shall we?

THINGS TO DO to be smarter & healthier:

1.)  Exercise every day

Oops.  Meant to take that power walk but there’s so much on my Totefish To Do list.   I swear, I’ll show up for tennis clinic tomorrow.  And maybe I won’t be late.  Or have to leave early.

2.)  Sleep 7 – 8 hours every night

Well, started reading email before going to bed, then surfed web for an hour, then son had pee accident and husband woke me twice with his snores.

3.)  Drink 6 – 8 glasses of water every day

What’s the word on drinking out of a BPA-laden plastic water bottle that sat in a hot, sunny car all week?  Another cup of coffee, anyone?

4.)  Eat fruit and veggies every day

On no.  Forgot to buy them at the Farmer’s Market.  And I didn’t wash them.  Wait, I did wash them but, oh no, the tap water has higher-than-recommended concentrations of arsenic.    Is that bad?

5.)  Find time to relax, get calm and “do nothing”

So, it appears that while meditating, I forgot to pick up the kids from the bus-stop, swing by the grocery store to buy dinner, return that phone call to the new JAVA engineer, book the train tickets for the summer vacation and map out a legit strategy for customer acquisitions and oh, no, doesn’t Kendall have an orthodontist appointment??  Shit, shit, shit.

6.)  Don’t consume caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes

You see, I was at Whole Foods the other night and they only sell things that are good for you (right?) and yeah, I just walked through the kitchen to get a glass of a water and there was a box of Whole Foods chocolate-covered raisins and yeah, what I need now is a little sugar-pick-me-up.  Who wouldn’t shove a handful into their mouth?  No one’s watching, right?  Oh no.   What’s happening?  My list isn’t done but me no ‘member how to typ…