It’s 2012.  Digital sophistication is at its highest and yet, people are giving themslves dumb titles on their Linked In resumes.

from “Resume Writers of Dallas”

I’m  17+ hours into my outbound recruiting effort (code for “I’m a start-up in a competitive job environment where the words Oogle, ‘Nterest and Prime Shipping are not part of my company name and thus, I’m left to target, stalk and cajole top-tier talent to come work with me on my grand vision with unsolicited yet clever and genuine emails”) and I’m tired.

Not of the search, mind you.  

I like reading through people’s’ resumes, searching for the diamond-in-the-rough, the outside-the-box-thinker-screaming-to-be-let-out-of-the-box, the undervalued high-performer.  It’s total arm-chair psychology from the safe distance of an internet connection.

I’m tired of bad decisions made by others.

In today’s day-and-age, with the mind-boggling array of career advice blogs, how is it possible that anyone would post a less-than-professional job title on their Linked In profile?  Sure, you’ll get attention — but so does the kid who farts in the back of classroom.  Maybe I’m a stick-in-the-mud Founder & CEO-type but cute & corny or wacky & irreverent doesn’t make me want to work with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about.  Here is a collection of some of the entries I found in resumes on Linked In.  (I couldn’t make them up.  The titles are real.  The snarky “aka” commentary… that’s mine): 

Rainmaker (aka “Maker of a long stint in unemployment”)

Change Agent (aka “Ex-Bank Teller”)

Serial Entrepreneur (aka “I’m-still-looking-for-the-idea-that-works Entrepreneur”)

Addict at Pinterest (aka “Recipe clipper, fashion wannabe, who-am-I-kidding-I’m-never-gonna-remodel-the-bathroom & I -should-be-learning-a-new-language Waster at Time”)

Thinker (aka “I was going to write ‘Breather’ but that seemed too obvious”)

Deep Thinker (aka “I ain’t just a Thinker”)

Social Media Guru (aka “Really?  Guru?  It’s 2012 & I just read a tweet that said your yoga mat was on fire”)

All Around Technologist (aka “All Around Bullshit Artist”)

Gun For Hire (aka “Watcher of too many Hollywood movies”)

Brain Child & Captain (aka “Founder of My Mom Still Makes My Lunch & Folds My Laundry”)

Self Starter & Finisher (aka “Masturbation Expert”)

Online Adventurer (aka “Gold Member of the Self Starter & Finishers chat room)

If you recognize one of these titles from your resume, I’m sorry to be so harsh.  But I’m here to tell you what your spineless friends won’t — delete the corn.  Go staid.  Go boring.  Go professional.