3.) Find ways to amuse yourself quietly so as not to wake husband & kids.
4.) Don’t Facebook search ex-boyfriends.
5.) Don’t Linked In search ex-bosses.
6.) Do surf a lot of shoe sites.
7.) Don’t answer when you husband murmurs, “What time is it?” He’s really asleep.
8.) Do give yourself a mud-mask facial.
9.) Do shake your head “no” when your son stands in the doorway and asks, “Is it morning time yet?” and Don’t explain the mud on your face. He’s really asleep, too. Walk him back to his bed, tuck him in and steal two neck kisses.
10.) Don’t give yourself a European bikini wax.
12.) Do pull out the first chapter of your incomplete novel from the armoire.
13.) Don’t read it.
14.) Do curse Hemingway, King, Seuss and any other damn prolific writer you’ve heard someone praise.
15.) Don’t say anything when you husband says, “Huh?” He’s still asleep. Really.
16.) Do read your past blog posts and tell yourself you’re not a terrible writer. Not really. You’ve got potential. Kinda.
17.) Don’t wonder if your followers are only following you because they’re your friends and they’re afraid you’ll know when they unfollow you and then, wow, won’t that be awkward at the next Christmas Cookie swap party.
18.) Do send your followers chocolates in the mail. Guilt is real. And it works. Just ask your Mom.
19.) Do know that you’re fucked in three hours when the kids come and ask you to make their lunches because it really will be morning time.
20.) Don’t post that blog list you dashed off in a moment of 2 am inspiration ’cause anything that seems witty at 2:44 am is certainly not witty at 8 am.